my blog has huge mood swings. oh wait...*I* have huge mood swings.

my fingers are freezing.

my feet are numb.

i have way too much school to do this week. i might be able to get it all done if i don't take time to use the bathroom or eat. well, maybe i could eat while i work. but i definitely won't have time to use the bathroom. or change clothes. or blow my nose. or stop thinking. or get a good night's sleep. i must sleep some, but i doubt i'll be able to afford a full 6 hours.

i feel very low.

i won't be able to get it all done, and my speech and my cartography presentation on friday will stink because i won't have any confidence in my work because i'll be so dog-tired.

thank you, little boys, for the prickly present of the chestnut hulls under my covers. it scared the heck out of me, and now i have little invisible mites on my sheets. you may now change them for me.

i hate going to school. i don't mind doing the actual work, but i hate going.

i really miss talking to my friend, but i can't do anything about it because it would make things more difficult for us both.

i have my stupid medical syndrome to thank for the huge dose of depression tonight. and thanks to it, my life will be an endless cycle of stress caused by school, causing pain, causing more stress, causing more pain, causing more stress, causing...yeah...you get the idea.

i hate you, dr. grant, for creating such stupid "opportunities." opportunities to show yourself and your teacher how little you really know. opportunities to take the time on a thursday night to stay up late and review and review so that you can pass the stupid test by the skin of your teeth. opportunities to memorize and know a bunch of facts that won't even be on the stinking test (!). opportunities to feel inferior and discouraged in front of you 105 grade-making friend who always insists on seeing what grade you got.

i hate myself for...where do i begin?

i hate my civics class for putting that bit in the class compact about standing on a chair and singing your own rendition of I'm a Little Teapot for the class if you're late...and expecting the teacher to actually enforce it. it's not my fault that i walked in !!2!! freakin' minutes late. i don't drive myself, and i can't control outside forces.

i hate not knowing how situations will turn out. why did i put myself in this position? why am i acting this way?

thank you so much, dear church couple, for teasing him about me. it will be SO much easier to get to know him now. it won't be awkward at all! of course, he doesn't know that i know that y'all tease him about me, but will that make any difference? i think not!

thank you, tear ducts for not doing your job and letting me release some...whatever...by crying. yep. that helps a lot. great work.









at least my room is clean.

small comforts.