In your face, silly adulthood inhibitions!

 

I don't think I was ever really eccentric when I was young. I don't ever remember going through a stage where I didn't really care what people thought of me. 

 

That's sad. 

 

But I always catch myself thinking, If I were more quirky, I'd to this. If I went to a different church, I'd wear that. If they wouldn't think this, I'd try it.

 

I'm deciding that that kind of thinking is not for me anymore!

I will do it! I will wear that crazy outfit and dress up even if no one else is! I will wear those bright pink tights and that white, huge-sleeved top that have been hanging in my closet for so long! I will go skipping through the parking lot when there is a convenient wind! I will ride the carousel in the mall!

I will be the kind of adult who expresses herself in the way she wants and doesn't concern herself with what other adults (or non) might think (in a caring, nice sort of way, of course).


This isn't to say that all those resolves in my previous post have gone out the window. Never fear! This is just one of the steps toward becoming that zesty, self-confident adult that I talked about.

It's time.

This past summer has been one of transition for me, and the shift has not been an easy one. I've neglected things I should've focused on, gone down paths I never even should've looked at, and completely missed out on some very essential moments. (Oh, and developed a nervous disorder that completely rules my life. Stupid.)

But I feel it's time to grow up.

In doing some good, old-fashioned soul-searching, I realized that I've been clinging to my childhood---my irresponsible teenage years.
I wanted to stay in my groove, wanted to go to Neverland with Peter Pan, wanted to live in my past me.
The age groups I started hanging out with got younger and younger, the choices I made got more immature and more immature, my self-confidence zones got smaller and smaller, and I became more and more recalcitrant.
My family got ticked at me more often, my friends wondered what was wrong with me, and my sisters---two of the best women on God's green earth--started distrusting my choices of friends, music, clothing, and tastes.

Several of my friends, such as Beatrice, have been the type to become old before their time, grasping at small indications of their great maturity and advancement in life and clinging to them as reassurances of what was to come (much to my puerile annoyance and disgust).
I've never really longed for grownup things. I've always been happy to be the age I am. To enjoy each age as it comes to me and to be in the Now.
But now I understand. Not necessarily the desire to be older, to be included in "the older kids'" activities, or to wear clothes that assure people of my mature age. But I understand why. And I agree with that view, more than with the one I've held up till now.

I've slowly begun to realize that it's all got to change, and that the only thing that has been holding me back is fear--fear of change.
My own incapability and unpreparedness for age and all the responsibilities that come with it has been my only excuse. And it's a poor one. If I never attempt to step out into the next stage on my own, I'll never improve or overcome my incapability.

I want to grow up gracefully, though, like Brooke Premo. I don't want to lose life in my Life or stand with the over-old youths. I want to keep my childish zest, but add compassion, generosity, responsibility, wisdom, self-discipline, and discretion to it so that I may grow to be like the many good examples I have before me---my parents, my grandparents...actually, I don't think I'm going to start that list. It's much too long to finish.




Maybe it's the New Year approaching. Maybe it's the fact that I'll be 18 in a few weeks. Maybe it was the jolt I got 2 weeks ago.

But whatever it is...it hasn't come too soon.

I'm going to grow up now.

Am I scared? Very.
Do I think I'll make it? With God's help.
Will it hurt? Heck, yes.

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

"Reading a newspaper, I saw a picture of birds on the electric wires. I cut out the photo and decided to make a song, using the exact location of the birds as notes (no Photoshop edit). I knew it wasn't the most original idea in the universe. I was just curious to hear what melody the birds were creating.

I sent the music to the photographer, Paulo Pinto, who I Googled on the internet. He told his editor, who told a reporter and the story ended up as an interview in the very same newspaper.

Here I've posted a short video made with the photo, the music and the score (composed by the birds).

Music made with Logic.
Video made with After Effects."

trouble don't rhyme

i've just recently fell in love with the music of Oren Lavie. it's very original and chill.

i recommend starting your listening experience with his songs Unhidden Track: Quarter Past Wonderful and A Dance 'Round the Memory Tree. other favorites are Trouble Don't Rhyme and The Man Who Isn't There.

bonne écoute!

i had to change the title of this post because a few people freaked out at my choice of words in the last one.

today i interviewed a sweetly mcgee girl.
most of you know her.
she is beatrice.
and she has a very cool blog.
and some seriously rad mental chickens.
and she gets out of bed on the left side.


me -- what is your idea of perfect happiness?
beatrice -- in my head i picture it sometimes, and it's beautiful... married, with happy children running around our woodland cottage catching fireflies in the twilight like sprites in pom-pom hats, as mysterious-future-husband and i sit on the porch and shell peas.

me -- what is your favorite food to snack on while you study?
beatrice -- if i'm feeling healthy, frozen corn or an apple... unfortunately, though, i normally go with Twizzlers or chips (BBQ... i know, i know, they're guy chips. sorry. :) )

me -- what is your most treasured possession?
beatrice -- the beautiful antique wedding ring from the 40s that my Grandma Bruce left me.

me -- what is your greatest fear?
beatrice -- hmm... snakes. oh, and leprechauns (due to a horrific viewing of Darby O'Gill and the Little People. SCARY MOVIE!). oooh, and being deserted. so, i guess my biggest fear is being deserted by all my loved ones after i failed to ward off a herd of angry snake-throwing leprechauns.

me -- what is your current favorite song?
beatrice -- I Don't Know, by Lisa Hannigan. she's so authentic, and her music is amazing!

me -- which talent would you most like to have?
beatrice -- either Jazz piano, unicycle riding, or tap dancing skills. because those would be awesome!

me -- name one of your style muses and what it is about her that inspires you.
beatrice -- any way you could reword that? 'cause i don't like everything about any one person's style... but i could give you three people who each have a specific reason.
me -- go for it.
beatrice -- one: Chuck from Pushing Daisies, for her adorable retro put-togetherness. two: Maggie Gyllenhaal, for her amazing style weirdness and subtle fearlessness. three: Zooey Deschanel, because... just because. she is amazing.

me -- what do you value most in your friends?
beatrice -- their unbounded and unbridled compassion, love, and devotion... and the ease with which they show it.

me -- if you could go anywhere in the world and live there for a year, completely immersing yourself in the people and the culture, where would you choose to go?
beatrice -- i'd go to the Czech Republic. Odd as it may sound, that culture and language has always held an inexorable fascination and enchantment for me, and i would love to get to know it better. it's such an odd mix of Polish, German, and Portuguese influence.

me -- what motivates you? it can be a verse, a saying or quote, or even just a thought or idea.
beatrice -- i am motivated by this incredible life God has given me... by the speed of it, by my own need to find all of it and understand God by experience His gift and His creation. life flies by so fast, and i've just figured out that the speed isn't meant to be scary, but to be exhilarating, exciting, like a carnival ride. i want to use every day and every second for adventure and the sparkle of life.

so there you have it.
one small glimpse into her mind, and i'm sure you're hooked already.
there ain't no way you ain't checkin' out her blog.

I miss yooouuu!!!!

I hope I get to see my lovely friendses sometime soon!!

left to right: max-frederick, johnnie, whitney, and mait



{photo courtesy of happy thoughts}