Aww, aren't they cute?
NO! You're wrong!
They're evil.
They come into your home and think they can have full rein!
They die and leave their crunchy little carcasses right in the walkways!
Those are not the actions of something cute.
--Conversation with a Ladybug--
Me: "Um, hi, ma'am? What are y'all doing in my rooms?"
Ladybug (her name was Gloria): "We just came in here to hibernate for the winter, woman. You got a problem?"
Me: "You don't have very good manners for a ladybug."
Gloria: "Um...that's because I'm an Asian Lady Beetle, ignoramus."
Me: "Oh...well...even so."
Gloria: "Ahem...you were saying?"
Me: "Oh, sorry. No, it's fine that y'all are here, but do you think you could tell your family to quit dying right where I have to walk? It's kinda gross to step on them."
Gloria: "You're stepping on my cousins' bodies?!?! How can you be so crass?! How can you desecrate the dead like that?! Go around them, Big-Foot!"
Me: "I'm sorry! They're just so small, and when it's dark, I can't...really...see...them. Um...What do you plan to do about their funerals...burials...bodies...?"
Gloria: "Um...don't you read the Bible, heathen? It says, 'Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.' We just leave them. They'll disintegrate eventually. It's the best way."
Me: "But you expect people to step over them and not desecrate their bodies?"
Gloria: "Yep. I do. What are you gonna do about it?"
And with that, I promptly went and got the vacuum. I'm sorry, but I'm not about to take that much cheek from something so much smaller than I.
4 comments:
i'm laughing really hard.
Funny, but I seem to have experienced that exact same conversation, (except with a smarty pants ladybug named Ree,) several times recently. And I think our bathroom is, like, their ancestral burial grounds. Yeah. I should feel honored, but I don't.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was the moste (yes, I spelled that with an 'e') fantastikest dialogue if read.... since the last great one I read. But my point is, it was really great. really enjoyed reading it.
WV - micarri
ha ha ha
when I was about 8 I wrote a book about a Bluejay and a ladybug, they ate so many bugs in the garden that they got sleepy and fell asleep...and then a big black cat came and ate them in their sleep.
the end.
Yeah........the leave their bodies everywhere....climb onto your beds
AND PEA EVERYWHERE!!! even if you BARELY touch them.and it smells nasty!!!
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